55 CHILD ABUSE AWARENESS Wants versus needs Parents and caregivers are responsible for meeting their child’s needs but not their wants. For example, a warm winter coat is a need, but a trendy winter coat is a want. In other words, parents and caregivers must provide their child with warm winter clothing, but they don’t have to provide their child with the particular coat that they want. Common feelings with abuse Living with abuse can affect the way you think about yourself, your family and your future.Abuse can trick you into telling yourself stories that are untrue, which can prevent you from getting help. Abuse can affect the way you feel, too.The emotions caused by abuse can be complicated - you may not be sure what you’re feeling. Here are some examples: Guilty: “I know it was at least partly my fault.” “I should’ve been able to stop it.” “If only I had helped out more.” “Why did he hurt my sibling and not me?” Ashamed: “It’s so humiliating.” “People will think I’m weird.” “Everyone will think it’s my fault for not stopping it.” “Our neighbours will look down on my family.” Angry: “Why me?” “Nothing ever goes right for me - this just proves it.” “I must be being punished.” “I hate everything.” Confused: “Maybe the abuse isn’t really that bad.” “Sure, he’s violent, but he can also be really nice and fun.” “I know she loves me - she just doesn’t know how to show it.” “If I don’t tell, things will get better.” “Maybe I’m remembering things wrong.” Afraid: “If I tell the police, he will hurt me more.” “Child protection services is going to separate me from my sibling.” “I’ll be placed in a foster home where things will be even worse.” “I’ll never find someone to care about me again.” (continued)