47 FAMILY VIOLENCE AWARENESS Common myths and attitudes about family violence continued not triggered by any one event. Over time, the space between the stages in the cycle tends to get shorter and the level of abuse increases. 1. ‘Honeymoon’ Stage During this stage, an abuser may: show extreme kindness; make apologies and promises that the abuse will never happen again; attempt to ‘fix’ things; and try to prevent a woman from leaving by being a ‘changed man.’ 2. ‘Forgiveness or Reconciliation’ Stage This can be a temporary time of peace. The woman is no longer receiving apologies or promises of change, but life seems ‘normal’ and things carry on as usual around the house. 3. ‘TensionBuilding’ Stage During this stage, things are beginning to become more stressful and tension builds over common family issues like money, children or jobs. There are often words or acts of intimidation. There is stress and a struggle for power and control; women often try to manage the situation by pleasing the abuser, giving in, or avoiding the abuse. 4. ‘Violent Incident’ Stage When tensions peaks, there is likely to be a violent incident. It could be any type of abuse and is usually triggered by an external event or by the abuser’s emotional state— not by a woman’s behavior. The timing of the ‘violent incident’ is usually unpredictable and often beyond a woman’s control. There are also incidents where a woman will spark a ‘violent incident’ so as to control when it will happen (such as, when the children aren’t present). This can cause a woman to blame herself; however, it should really be recognized as a survival tactic she uses to protect her children. Women who have experienced abuse over a long period of time can begin to lose sight of themselves. They often feel a sense of helplessness and believe that nothing is going to change. At this point, the abuser has achieved total ‘power and control.’ The abuser may demonstrate the power and control they have established over their partner through intimidating gestures or looks, making threatening behaviours or statements, or with actual physical contact. Often, women do not even realize that they are in a cycle of abuse, or they may even deny that it is happening. Meanwhile, this process gives an abuser a growing sense of power, domination, and control. The repetitive cycle typically speeds up and becomes more violent. It is a difficult cycle to break because of the constant return to the ‘honeymoon’ stage, which brings a renewed sense of hope that things will get better. As such, if there is no help or intervention, the abuse is likely to continue or may even become worse over time. www.fvps.ca
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy MTM0NTk1OA==