PEIPA P r i n c e E d w a r d I s l a n d P o l i c e A s s o c i a t i o n 2 1s t An n u a l C r i me P r e v e n t i o n Gu i d e Bullying awa r e n e s s INSIDE: PEPASupports Youth Sports Winsloe West Royalty Minor Soccer World Police Games in NYC Bully-driven youth suicideon the rise in Canada LADY GAGA & ELLEN Join forces and take a stand against bullying
So are you doing what you love? Every day people talk to our Admissions Advisors to find the right career. Call today and let’s get started. Every day our students take control of their future. You can do it too. Charlottetown Campus 134 Kent Street 1-877-297-0777 easterncollege.ca upei.ca 18108 We invite you to visit the University of Prince Edward Island— a vital component of our PEI community. 550 University Ave., Charlottetown
2 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE John Flood Vice-President East Jason Blacquiere Vice-President West Tim Keizer President Allan Kelly Recording Secretary Ron MacLean Secretary Treasurer EXECUTIVE MEMBERS Dale Corish Director West Sid Stead Director East
3 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE MESSAGE FROM THE PEIPA PRESIDENT As the President of the Prince Edward Island Police Association, it gives me great pleasure to present the 21st Annual Crime Prevention Guide, focusing on the very serious matter of Bullying. Many school children know all too well about bullying because they see it every day! There are many ways that young people bully each other, even if they don't realize it at the time. Bullying and its victims come in many forms. Even adults, who should know better, bully. Bullying happens when someone hurts or scares another person on purpose and the victim has a hard time defending themself, making her/him feel uncomfortable or afraid. This publication is only possible with the ongoing support from the donations from the community: the people, businesses, and organizations throughout the province. On behalf of the Executive members of the PEI Police Association, THANK YOU for your assistance. We hope you enjoy this year’s book and that it helps educate you on Bullying. Bullying is wrong, and everyone needs to get involved to help stop it. Tim Keizer President PEIPA
4 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE Why park at a meter when you can be inside from the elements and not worry if your time has run out on the meter? Did you know that you can park for FREE weekdays in any of the parking garages when you have your ticket validated by any of the participating merchants in the downtown area. Remember to ask for your validation stamp when shopping or banking. All garages are open from 7am to midnight. Saturday parking is always free. POWNAL PARKADE 368-3653 FITZROY PARKADE 628-6622 QUEEN PARKADE 566-2133 CHARLOTTETOWN AREA DEVELOPMENT CORP We are proud to support the PEI Police Association Community Guide
5 TABLE OF CONTENTS 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE Premier’s Message Executive Members President’s Message Publisher’s Page Message from the Mayor of Charlottetown Charlottetown Chief of Police Message Summerside Chief of Police Message World Police & Fire Games PEIPA Supports Youth Sports Winsloe West Royalty Minor Soccer Tournament BULLING AWARENESS & PREVENTION How You Can Help Stop Bullying Tips for Parents to Address Bullying & Cyberbullying Record Keeping and Bullying What Every Kids Needs to Know About Bullying Bullying in Sports Facing Bullying with Confidence What if MY Child is the Bully? Are Canadians too nice to Bully? Suicide & Bullying Working with a Bully Advertisers’ Index Resource Page - Find more on bullying awareness 1 2 3 7 9 11 13 15 17 21 25 27 29 29 31 33 35 37 43 45 55 53
!" # $ % '* +/ :#; # 6 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE Wilsons Gas Stop offer full and self service stations throughout Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, PEI and Newfoundland. Check out our website to find a Wilsons Gas Stop conveniently located to serve you. www.wilsons.ca We Deliver MoreTM More Choice, More Comfort, More Convenience Contractors for the Petroleum Industry 87-89 Ottawa Street P.O. Box 216 Summerside, PE C1N 4Y8 Tel: (902) 436-8239 Fax: (902) 436-8831 www.noyeenterprises.com ISO 9001:2008 We invite you to experience true Maritime hospitality at its finest. With something for everyone for every season, you will discover why we are the preferred place to stay in Atlantic Canada with 9 hotels and resorts located throughout PEI, NS and NB. www . r o dd vac a t i o ns . c om • r odd s@r odd-ho te l s . ca
7 MESSAGE FROM THE PUBLISHER 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE Each year, the PEI Police Association publishes a Community Crime Prevention Guide as a result of financial contributions from residents of the province and business representatives. With their generous support for our annual campaign, our PEI Police Association is able to give back to their communities through donations to various local charities and youth-oriented programs, in an effort to keep our younger generation from experiencing the negative effects of many of the topics discussed in these publications. This 21st Annual PEI Police Association Crime Prevention Guide focuses on the topic of Bullying. Our goal is to educate the public and promote their role in the identification and prevention of bullying in our communities. On behalf of the PEI Police Association, I would like to take this opportunity to sincerely thank each and every contributor to our 2010 Telephone Appeal, which allowed us to publish this Community Guide. This unique publication is distributed free-of- charge each year to schools, libraries and public facilities, and it is also available online at the PEI Police Association's website: www.peipolice.com, making it easily accessible to everyone. Your comments or suggestions regarding these publications are always welcome and we look forward to speaking with you again during our next Annual Telephone Appeal. Respectfully, Mark T. Fenety President Fenety Marketing Services “Providing quality, professional marketing and fundraising services on behalf of high-profile, non-profit organizations across Canada.” Ma r k e t i n g S e r v i c e s ( A t l . ) L t d .
8 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE Start planning your trail trip, call 1-800-463-4PEI “If We Pave You Save” ! " " #$ % $ # Providing Atlantic Canada With Quality Corrugated Packaging Since 1931 Premium White Standard Containers High Graphics Full Range of Services CAD/CAM Graphic Design Packaging Analysis Diecutting Specialty Folding Wax Cascading Call Us Today At 1-800-565-5353 Or Visit Our Website www.maritimepaper.com MARITIME PAPER PRODUCTS LIMITED MacKinnon Bros. Service Centre 419 Mount Edward Road Charlottetown, PEI Licensed Mechanics Inspection • Alignment Brake Service 892-7781 892-2771 , ,
9 MESSAGE FROM THE MAYOR OF CHARLOTTETOWN 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE On behalf of the City of Charlottetown, I wish to congratulate the Prince Edward Island Police Association on the production of their 21st Annual Crime Prevention Guide, with the theme being: Bullying Awareness, both within our City and the Province as a whole. Bullying, as with other types of abuse, occurs in various forms; however, it is imperative as a society that we all work together to protect those who are vulnerable and in this particular case – our youth. The children of our community are our Future and we must do everything in our power to ensure they live a healthy, safe and productive life. I hope everyone who reads this guide, and in particular parents and guardians, will take the time to speak with their children and use the information provided to better protect and educate our children. In closing, I wish all members of the Prince Edward Island Police Association well and thank all the police officers for their contribution in making Prince Edward Island a better and safer place. Clifford Lee Mayor City of Charlottetown
10 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE Peter McKearney Allen McKearney Hotel & Motel Full Line of Products North Rustico Lionsʼ Club Proudly serving our community for 40 years. Bowling, Catering and Bingo Lounge: Open to the Public 379 Queen Street Charlottetown, PEI C1A 4C9 902-892-9977 Fax 902-892-6690 admin@npssconsulting.ca www.npssconsulting.ca Specializing in Security Guard Services, Port Security, Security Consultation and Training, Bylaw Enforcement and Lost Prevention. “Service is our Business”
12 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE Licenced Electrical/Security Contractor (902) 368-3082 Residential & Commercial (902) 888-9838 Charlottetown Free Estimates Summerside 3700689 Enjoy prime locations, comfort & convenience. Variety of apartment styles. 902-566-2490 www.killamproperties.com PEI Police Association
14 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE Mayor Basil Stewart and Summerside City Council congratulate the Prince Edward Island Police Association on their Annual Crime Prevention Guide. www.city.summerside.pe.ca Clarey Consulting Immigration &Investment Norman G. Clarey Manager 85A Fitzroy Street Charlottetown Prince Edward Island Canada C1A 1R6 Phone: 1-902-569-4556 Cell: 1-902-626-9485 Fax: 1-902-569-4557 nclarey@pei.sympatico.ca The Town of Stratford is pleased to support this Guide and the work that the P.E.I. Police Association does on behalf of our residents.
15 COMMUNITY SUPPORT 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE World Police & Fire Games 2011 Both Mike Rae and Mike Chaloner of Charlottetown Police Service had excellent performances when they participated in the World Police & Fire Games in New York City from August 26 - September 5, 2011, coinciding with the 10th anniversary of 9-11. The World Police & Fire Games is the world’s largest multi-sport, Olympic-style event, with as many as 15,000 full-time firefighters and law enforcement personnel from 70 different countries participating in 65 sports.
16 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE 14 Great George Street 3rd Floor Landing Place Charlottetown, PE C1A 4J6 (902) 368-3675 www.cooke.ca Congratulations to the Prince Edward Island Police Association on educating the Public on Bullying Awareness Call (902)‐569‐1668 Toll Free 1‐800‐561‐2726 We Provide a full rangeof services including: t Crane Rentals from 8 to 825 Ton t Project Management t Heavy Lift Engineering t SpecializedTransportationto 1000 Ton t Pile DrivingServices t Wind EnergyServices t Certified Rigging www.irvingequipment.com NB NS NFLD ME Complete Plumbing & Heating Service 24 Hour Emergency Service P.O. Box 40 Winsloe, PEI CIE 1Z2 Ph: 902-393-2354 Fax: (902) 370-3190 234 Shakespeare Drive, Stratford, PEI C1B 2V8 Phone: 902-569-6925 Fax: 902-569-1845 E-mail: tcraig@town.stratford.pe.ca Web Site: www.youthcando.ca Facebook: Stratford ycd Tanya Craig Youth Coordinator
18 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE Prince Edward Island Nursesʼ Union 902-892-7152 www.peinu.com “Providing the care Islanders depend on” 90 University Avenue, Suite 300, Charlottetown, PE C1A 4K9 T: 902.368.8122 F: 902.628.4660 E: dsi@deltaware.com The business of health. The health of business. West Prince Bookkeeping Certified Simply Accounting Consultants Personal and Corporate Tax Returns are pleased to support the PEIPA Elmsdale, PEI 902-853-3470 West Prince Industry Center Summerside, PE Church # 902.436.6044 Family Services # 902.888.3870 Proud to support the Prince Edward Island Police Association. OTTAWA 318 Justice Building House of Commons Ottawa, ON, K1A 0A6 TEL: (613) 992-2406 FAX : (613) 995-7408 Malpeque Agriculture Critic Official Opposition eastew1@parl.gc.ca HUNTER RIVER P.O. Box 70 Hunter River, PE, C0A 1N0 TEL: (902) 964-2428 FAX : (902) 964-3242 1 (800) 442-4050 HON. WAYNE EASTER, P.C., M.P. HOUSE OF COMMONS www.peifuneralcoops.com
Constituency Office: P.O. Box 520 100 School Street Tignish, PE C0B 2B0 Telephone: 1-902-882-4493 Fax: 1-902-882-4494 Toll Free: 1-800-224-0018 Email: sheag1A@parl.gc.ca Hon. Gail Shea, M.P. Egmont Please do not hesitate to contact me at any time. Ottawa Office: Room 556 Confederation Building House of Commons Ottawa, ON K1A 0A6 Telephone: 1-613-992-9223 Fax: 1-613-992-1974 Email: sheag@parl.gc.ca 20 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE Lyle Diamond 626-5265 Marcus Goodwin 626-5266 gd@isnhighspeed.ca KIRKWOOD CONSTRUCTION QUALITY CUSTOM HOMES & RENOVATIONS ATLANTIC HOME WARRANTY Residence.................................569-4860 Charlottetown ...........................394-4051 LITTLE BLESSINGS CHILD CARE CENTRE Childcare Centre & Kindergarten 7 am - 5:30 pm, School-Age Program Available 6 Months to 12 years, License # P680423 Spots Available! 15 Glen Stewart Dr................................566-2795 MacFadyen Farms Ltd. RR#1 Borden, Carleton, PE C0B 1X0 902.437.2322 Summerside Office: 250 Water St. Suite F Summerside, PE C1N 1B3 Teleph ne: 1-902-432-6899 Fax: 1-902-432-6855 Toll Free: 1-800-224-0018 www.gail.shea.ca
22 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE John’s Burner & Sheet Metal 440 Tower St. Summerside, PE 902-432-1435 DAMAC CONSTRUCTION LTD. 24 GARFIELD STREET, CHARLOTTETOWN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND David MacLeod President General Contracting - Specializing in Suspended Ceilings Telephone (902) 892-1594 Fax (902) 368-8155 Residential & Commercial Installations Call Kevin at: 854-3265 Wellington Cell: 439-1548 • 5” Seamless Aluminum Eavestrough • No More Rust and Leaks • Variety of Colours to Choose From • No Spikes Showing (installed with brakes inside eavesthrough) • Soffit & Facia Installation • Vinyl Shutters • Satisfaction Guaranteed “No More Leaks Over Your Head” Arsenault’s EAVESTROUGHING FREE ESTIMATES AcadiaConstruction HORIZONTAL BORING UNDERGROUND Free Style or Case Bore • Heavy Equipment Rentals • Backhoe & Dozer Services • Trucking • Excavating - Hydroseeding • Water & Sewer • Concrete Pump Rental 436-2256 PO Box 125, Summerside, P.E.I. “Our Driving Force is People” Telephone: Toll Free: Facsimile: 506-857-0205 800-561-7987 506-859-9339 689 Edinburgh Drive Moncton, NB E1E 2L4 www.armour.ca Training police officers for over 30 years. The Atlantic Police Academy provides training for municipal and regional forces in Atlantic Canada. Additional training includes: Police Science Cadet, Correctional Officer, Law & Security, Conservation Enforcement and Basic Firefighting. Atlantic Police Academy P.O. Box 156 Slemon Park, Prince Edward Island C0B 2A0 Tel: 902-888-6700, Fax: 902-888-6725 www.hollandcollege.com/APA 29 Garfield St. Charlottetown, PEI Phone: 566-4736 AUBREY’S BOTTLE, SCRAP METAL & RECYCLING DEPOT
23 COMMUNITY SUPPORT 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE WinsloeWest Royalty Minor Soccer Tournament 2011 Each year, the PEI Police Association hosts the “Winsloe West Royalty Police Association Minor Soccer Tournament” for teams from New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island. The participants range in age from 10 to 18 years old. This event is always a success, with hundreds of youths exhibiting great sportsmanship. Congratulations to the champions, and thank you to everyone who participated!
24 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE FIRST AID CPR NUTRITIOUS LUNCH & SNACKS JUNIOR KINDERGARTEN BEFORE & AFTER SCHOOL PROGRAMS FULL & PART TIME SPACES - OPEN DOOR POLICY INFANT TO AGE 12 HOURS 7:30AM - 6:00PM DoironFisheries P.O. Box 31 North Rustico, PEI C0A 1X0 (902) 963-2442 Proud to Support The Prince Edward Island Police Association Kaylee Hall PO Box 253 Montague, PE C0A 1R0 902.838.4399 www.veseys.com FOLEYʼS TRANSFER INC. Atlas Van Lines (Canada) Ltd. BRIAN D. FOLEYS 9 Walker Drive Charlottetown, P.E.I. C1A 8S5 24 Hrs. (902) 894-9914 (Day Time) (902) 894-3416 Fax (902) 566-4851 foleys@pei.aibn.com Adult and Community Education 140 Weymouth Street Charlottetown, PE Canada C1A 4Z1 Location: 305 Kent Street Tel: 902-566-9628 Toll Free: 1-800-446-5265 Fax: 902-566-9688 E-mail: mweavers@hollandc.pe.ca Website: www.hollandcollege.com ISO 9001:2003 Certified Arlington Farms Ltd. 1472 Arlington Rd. Richmond, PE C0B 1Y0 902.831.2106 Brian’s Auto Repair Brian Peters - Mechanic Phone: (902) 687-1388 744 St. Charles Road - Rr# 5 - Souris, PE - C0A 2B0 DIANNE LANK, BC - HIS Hearing Instrument Specialist Audio Consultants of P.E.I. Ltd. Beltone Hearing Aid Centre Polyclinic Professional Centre 199 Grafton Street, Suite 304 Charlottetown, P.E.I. C1A 1L2 Telephone: 894-8455 Fax: 892-0097 Toll Free: 1-877-994-8455
26 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE RESTAURANT & SEAFOOD MARKET Casual Dining Inside or On The Wharf Full Menu Specializing in Seafood 2 Prince St. Wharf, Charlottetown 368-2888 894-9311 Restaurant Seafood Market/air pack service www.lobsteronthewharf.com Morrison’s Truck Salvage RR#1, Coleman, PE C0B 1H0 902.859.2350 Home • Commercial • Auto • Life H.L. SEAR INSURANCE LTD. 57 Grafton Street P.O. Box 635 Charlottetown, P.E.I. C1A 7L3 MARVEN MacDONALD Bus: (902) 894-5066 Fax: (902) 368-3659 Dr. Guy Boswell 591 North River Rd. Charlottetown, PE C1E 1J7 902-892-3200 DANIEL R. ROSS INC. POTATOES, RUTABAGAS, BEEF CATTLE BELFAST, R.R. #3 P.E.I. C0A 1A0 BUS: (902) 659-2283 CANADA RES: (902) 659-2711 Serving The Kensington Area for over 25 Years OPEN YEAR ROUND Mon - Fri 7:30 am - 5:30 pm Gavan Gill Inc. BELMONT METAL WORKS 892-8469 BELMONT DISTRIBUTORS 566-1336 44 BELMONT ST., GAVAN GILL CHʼTOWN, P.E.I. PRESIDENT C1A 5H1 566-5924 Burger King “Home Of the Whopper” 473 University Avenue Charlottetown 902 566 5398 41 University Ave. Charlottetown, PE C1A 4K7 (902) 892-3474
28 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE 202 Buchanan Drive Charlottetown, PEI C1E 2H8 902-892-8584 Locally owned and operated by K & A MacEachern Holding Ltd. • Summerside • Alberton • Montague • Morell • Concrete Products • Ornamental Iron • Steel Culverts • Concrete Form Rentals • Waterworks Supplies • Concrete Restoration email: info@cclweb.com www.cclweb.com Hubert Fraser, Wayne Johnston, Ross White, Gerard Campbell, Andy Campbell, Kevin Peters Causeway Bay Linkletter Hotel 311 Market St. Summerside, PE C1N 1K8 1-800-565-7829 902-436-2157 www.causewaybayhotels.ca Cavendish Sunset Campground Charlottetown, PE 1.902.963.2440 Off-season: 1.902.368.3314 Toll-free: 1.800.715.2440 www.camp@cavendishcampground.com Committing to the province of Prince Edward Island 161 St. Peters Rd., Charlottetown, PE C1A 5P6 Ph: (902)-566-4212 Fax: (902)-566-2516 Contact us with any of your building automation and service needs
29 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE Record Keeping and Bullying What Every Kid Needs to Know About Bullying ©2006 PACER Center www.PacerKidsAgainstBullying.org Bullying is never okay. Here’s how you can be a kid against bullying! Bullying can happen anyplace—on the playground, on the bus, in the hallways, even in the bathroom. Bullying can be lots of things. It is hitting, pushing, name calling, threatening, teasing, sending mean e-mails, taking or ruining another person’s things, leaving someone out—and lots of other nasty stuff that’s done on purpose to hurt someone. How can you tell if something is bullying? Just remember this: It's bullying if... Someone is hurting another person on purpose and the kid who is doing it has more power. Bullying is not cool and it’s not fair. No one deserves to be bullied. What can you do if you are being bullied or see bullying happen? A lot! Speak Up! •When someone is willing to say they think something is wrong, they can make a difference. If you tell other kids that bullying is not cool, they will be more willing to speak up, too. •If you see bullying, you can tell a grown-up. Telling is not tattling. It's okay to tell. Reach Out! •Tell the kid who is being bullied that they don’t deserve to be treated that way. No one does. •Ask your friends to join you in being a kid against bullying. Be a Friend! •Invite the kid who is being bullied to play with you. •Create a “bully-free zone” on the playground where everyone is welcome. One of the primary tasks for dealing with bullying is recording the “who, what, where, when and why” of the situation. Keeping and reporting data is a powerful tool for students, their parents and the schools. When a child is targeted by a bully, parents need to document this and develop a record (or history) of what is happening to their child. This record is useful when talking with school educators, law enforcement personnel, or other individuals who may need to assist parents in intervening against bullying. As record keeping varies greatly from school to school, parents should also ask if the school nurse (when there is one) is charged with keeping records of incidents and the level of information, medical or otherwise, recorded. Parents should also do their best to keep track of events so that emotions alone don’t drive the discussion. Parents often think they will remember vividly all the details pertaining to the bullying events but it’s easier to keep a concise, accurate timeline when events occur than try to recreate them later. Keeping records as you go also points to an escalation of bullying behaviours, either in frequency or duration. This is also an excellent way to document how the child’s emotional and physical states are being affected. Your records should be based on facts and actual events and should not contain your opinions or personal statements. Content should include: • information on the bullying incident and the dates in question • the names of the persons involved, e.g., the bully, bystanders or witnesses • the child’s account of what happened Also include: • all communications with professionals (teachers, administrators, school nurse, etc.) • the dates of all communications • the summary of the event(s) • the responses of the professional(s) • any actions taken • copies of reports filed by the school according to the school district’s or board’s policy The above may be paper or electronic format, but always include photos, emails, a recording of the child talking about the bullying if there is one, screenshots of online content, health care records, or pictures taken of the child after a bullying incident to show physical evidence indicating bullying. Information is key – remember, if it’s not in writing, it does not exist. © 2010 Fenety Marketing Services
30 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE CORNWALL • Grocery Items • Deli Items • Prepared Foods • Lotto Machine • Bank Machine Cornwall Plaza, 628-6787 Cornwall Don’s Bottle Exchange 684 South Drive Summerside, Prince Edward Island 436-4998 MACAUSLANDCONSTRUCTIONLTD. 142 RUFUS STREET SUMMERSIDE, PEI C1N 4K2 DOUG MACAUSLAND - REPRESENTATIVE BACKHOEING • SNOW REMOVAL & TRUCKING • BORING & TESTING • PIPE LINES BUS. 902-436-6112 RES. 902-436-7476 ISLAND EXCAVATORS (1985) LTD. FACSIMILE 658-2802 658-2785 Shop 658-2178 EXCAVATION & TRENCHING • Land Clearing • Snow Removal • Road Building • Topsoil • Heavy Equipment Rentals • Shale & Gravel • General Trucking • Float Rentals • Sand • Water & Sewer Construction Bus: 902•838•3535 Fax: 902•838•2474 Robertson Road Montague, P.E.I. P.O. Box 1120 Canada C0A 1R0 Phone: (902) 672-2842 Fax: (902) 672-1327 www.stanhopegolfclub.com www.slemonparkhotel.com Home of Holland College's Atlantic Police Academy, and Aerospace & Industrial Technology Centre. Also home to JVI Driver Training School and Academy of Learning. Slemon Park Hotel & Conference Centre provides top quality training and conference facilities. We also provide modern private hotel rooms and food services to the students and guests of our training institutions. Slemon Park Hotel & Conference Centre is proud to support the PEI Police Association. For more information about our facilities, please call Eric toll free 1-877-782-9734 or (902) 432-1742. l o lege’s Atlantic Police Academy, Aerospace & Industrial Technology Centre and Motive Power Centre. Also home to JVI Driver Training School a d Academy of Learning. ! "# $% # $ & !'# $ '# $% # $ & !'# $ 28 Garfield Charlottetown, PE C1A 6A5 902.566.3330
31 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE At a recent parent-child workshop, a very kind father called Ron said, “We need this kind of training for coaches too! At the children’s soccer games that I coach, we do our best to keep our team members from bullying each other or kids from other teams. But sometimes the kids’ parents will start screaming insults and threats at our coaches because they disagree with some decision. Even if they’ve signed pledges not to, some parents believe that acting this way and booing players is part of sports. What should we do?” “Why are you coaching children’s soccer?” I asked. “This is a volunteer job, right? Is your goal to have children learn to win or for some other reason?” “I like to coach because team sports build character and discipline,” Ron said. “What are children learning about discipline and character when they see their adults losing control and behaving abusively?” I asked. “Perhaps the best learning that these children might gain is by seeing you and the other coaches modeling positive respectful firm leadership.” We role-played the problem. Ron pretended to be an upset parent and yelled at me, “How dare you do that! I’m going to report you.” I calmly replied, “I am following our rules. You are welcome to tell anyone you wish that you disagree! Now please sit down so we can continue the game!” Ron said that they also have many young teenagers who volunteer to coach. “It’s awful,” he explained, “when a 35-year-old man starts yelling at a twelve-year-old, ‘What gives YOU the right to make this decision?’” I pointed out that volunteering to be the coach DOES give someone the right to make decisions and that, as unfortunate as it is that a few people act this way, learning how to deal with upset people is an exceptional leadership skill. We discussed how to establish a system to make sure that parents signed pledges about respectful behavior and fair play that included some clearly defined consequences if they refused to honor these pledges. We also explored ways to prepare coaches to protect themselves: • Imagining throwing the hurting words away into a trash can • Imagining using an emotional raincoat that would protect them from anger • Identifying common attacking comments and practicing calm firm answers The emotional raincoat technique can be practiced in partners. Without touching, one person starts screaming, “BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!” while acting very angry. The other person stays calm, keeps facing the angry person in ready position, with hands holding a whistle, and saying in a firm respectful voice, “I am sorry you are upset. We can agree to disagree. I see it differently and it’s my call. It’s my job to keep everyone safe here. Please sit down so that we can play.” Bullying in Sports People Safety For Children’s Coaches As originally published on www.kidpower.org By Irene van der Zande, Kidpower Executive Director www.kidpower.org
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33 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE Facing Bullying with Confidence As originally published on www.kidpower.org By Irene van der Zande, Kidpower Executive Director - Kidpower safety tips Here are some skills to help children and teens deal with bullying. 1. Walking with awareness, calm, and confidence. People of any age are less likely to be bothered if they seem aware, calm, and confident. Practice holding your body tall but not tense, looking around with a relaxed face as if the world around you is interesting, and walking confidently. 2. Feeling one way and acting another. It's normal to feel scared or angry when people are bullying, but showing fear, anger, or aggression makes bullying problems bigger. Help kids imagine that they are feeling mad, sad, or scared while they practice moving with awareness and confidence so those feelings do not show. 3. Leaving in a powerful, positive way. The best self-defense tactic is called "target denial," which means "don't be there." Help children practice using their awareness to notice possible problems early and then calmly, confidently move out of reach before the problems grow. 4. Setting a boundary. Teach children to put their hands up in front of them and say in a clear, calm, firm voice, "Stop!" Coach children to hold their bodies tall, look directly at the problem with a calm face, and use a clear voice that is not whiney or aggressive. 5. Filtering hurtful words. Mean words are like trash. If we take them in our bodies, we can feel bad. Help kids imagine catching mean words so they don't go inside. We can throw the mean words away. The idea of a screen around their hearts and minds often helps older kids let in the words that help them grow, learn, and have fun while keeping out the words that break them down. 6. Speaking up for inclusion. Shunning is a serious form of bullying. Exclusion should be clearly against school and youth group rules. Kids can practice persisting in asking to join a game. They can also practice taking quick, confident action when they notice another being left out. 7. Getting help - and persisting. Children are still learning social skills. Without calm, consistent adult guidance, they will hurt each other. Teach kids to get help from adults if they are unable to stop a problem. Because adults so often say, "Solve it yourself," coach kids to practice saying, calmly and confidently, "I tried to solve it myself. The problem is getting worse. Please help." 8. Using physical self-defense as a last resort. Children need to know when they have the right to hurt someone to stop that person from hurting them. At Kidpower, we teach that physical skills are a last resort - when you are about to be harmed and you cannot leave or get help. Talk with your kids about when it is and is not okay to hit or to kick another kid. If you give kids permission to use physical bully skills, be sure to teach them age-appropriate skills that are unlikely to cause serious injury, such as a single soccer kick to the shin.
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35 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE Bullying in schools, families, and other groups affects the physical and emotional safety of everyone in the group. Adults can help children stay safe by teaching children skills to deal with bullying. In addition, children using bullying behavior need support in learning different ways of interacting with other children. One parent emailed us the following question; our answer follows. QUESTION: What if my child is the bully? Sometimes he calls other kids names and pushes them around to get what he wants. ANSWER: Children who bully in this way need safer tools for getting what they want, better skills for handling the disappointment of NOT always getting what they want, clear boundaries about what the rules are for behavior, and consistently enforced consequences for breaking those rules. Safer tools can mean learning to ask instead of grab and learning to look for ways in which everyone can get at least some of what they want. Skills for handling disappointment can mean learning how to think first and calm down when you are upset, learning to wait your turn, and finding other things to do when you cannot do what you want right away. Clear rules means being very specific – No Putdowns, No Name-Calling, No Pushing, No Hitting. Bullying in schools and other groups often escalates quickly without clear rules and consistent adult follow-through on those rules. It is important that kids see that everyone--especially the adults around them--are following the same rules. Consistent consequences need to be thought through ahead of time to make sure that they are reasonable and will be upheld by all the adults responsible for supervision. The bottom line is that the child needs to be stopped from continuing the bullying behavior quickly, clearly and directly. If this doesn't work, there might be further consequences like sitting down for a few minutes instead of playing, having to do something inside away from other kids for a little while, or losing some privilege like watching television or playing on the computer. Bullying in schools and other groups can improve when adults support all of the children – children using bullying behavior as well as those being bullied – in learning more effective skills for staying safe, for being powerful, and for getting what they want. Getting support for stopping bullying behavior sooner rather than later can make a big difference. Teachers, counselors, parenting classes, and friends can all be valuable resources. What if MYChild is the Bully? As originally published on www.kidpower.org By Irene van der Zande, Kidpower Executive Director
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37 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE Are Canadians too nice to Bully? Facts and Myths about Bullying continued... Myth: Bullying does not cause any serious harm. Fact: Bullying is associated with a range of physical and mental health problems, as well as suicide, educational problems, antisocial problems, and relationship problems. For example: * Victimized children are more likely to report headaches and stomach aches than non-victimized children (Due et al., 2005; Williams, et al., 1996). Children who both bully and are victimized may be at greatest risk for physical health problems. * Victimized children are more likely to report anxiety and depressive symptoms than children uninvolved in bullying (Due et al, 2005; KaltialaHeino et al, 1999). Of greatest concern is the fact that psychiatric problems associated with involvement in bullying tend to persist into later life (Kumpulainen & Rasanen, 2000). * A high risk of suicidal ideation (having thoughts of suicide) is found among children who are bullied, who bully others, and who are involved in both roles (Kaltiala-Heinoet al., 1999). * Both victimized children and children who bully are at risk for poor school functioning, in terms of poor attitudes towards school, low grades, and absenteeism (Rigby, 2003; Tremblay, 1999). * 20-25% of frequently victimized children report bullying as the reason for missing school (Rigby, 2003). * Youth who bully others are more likely to use alcohol and drugs (Pepler et al., 2002), and are at risk for later criminality. For example, 60% of boys who bully others in elementary school had criminal records by age 24 (Olweus, 1991). Solution: It is essential to identify children at risk for bullying and/or victimization and to provide support for their development in order to prevent the negative consequences associated with this type of disrespectful peer relationship. Myth: Children grow out of bullying. Fact: Without intervention, a significant proportion of youth who bully others in childhood will continue to use their power negatively through adolescence and into adulthood. The nature of bullying changes as children mature. From early adolescence, new forms of aggression, carried out from a position of power, emerge. With developing thinking and social skills, children become aware of others’ vulnerabilities and of their own power relative to others. Bullying then diversifies into more sophisticated forms of verbal, social, homophobic, and sexually- and racially-based aggression. Over time, these new forms of aggression are carried forward into different relationships and environments. The destructive lessons learned in childhood about the use of power may translate into sexual harassment in the workplace, dating violence, marital abuse, child abuse, and elder abuse. Solution: Early identification and intervention of bullying will prevent patterns of aggressive interactions from forming. Adults must be aware that bullying changes with age and may become more difficult to detect. Myth: Only a small number of children have problems with bullying. Fact: Approximately 12% of girls and 18% of boys reported bullying others at least twice in previous months, whereas 15% of girls and 18% of boys reported being victimized at least twice over the same time period (Craig & Harel, 2004) These figures suggest that in a classroom of 35 students, between 4 and 6 children are bullying and/or are being bullied. Many more children observe bullying and know that it is going on. At some point, the majority of children will engage in some form of bullying and experience some form of victimization. A small minority of children will have frequent, long-lasting, serious, and pervasive involvement in bullying and/or victimization (Craig & Pepler, 2003). Solution: To ensure that children have healthy and productive relationships, it is important to include all children, regardless of their involvement in bullying, in bullying prevention programs. This means that programs and strategies must address the needs and provide the necessary support for children who are victimized, children who bully others, and children who watch bullying occur.
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39 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE Myth: Canadians are “too nice” to bully. Fact: On the recent World Health Organization (WHO) Health Behaviours in School-aged Children (HSBC) survey, Canada ranked a dismal 26th and 27th out of 35 countries on measures of bullying and victimization, respectively (Craig & Harel, 2004). Moreover, our position on the international stage has slipped relative to other countries. On the 1993/1994 survey, Canada’s ranking on the prevalence of bullying and victimization was relatively higher than in the 2001/2002 survey (King et al., 1996); however, the prevalence of bullying and victimization among Canadian students has remained relatively stable. The drop in Canada’s relative ranking in spite of stable rates, suggests that other countries have been preventing bullying problems more effectively than Canada. The high proportions of Canadian students who report bullying or being bullied confirm that this represents an important social problem for Canada. One of the reasons that Canada is ranked so poorly compared to other countries is our lack of a national campaign to address bullying problems. Solution: PREVNet (Promoting Relationships and Eliminating Violence) is a Networks Centre of Excellence – New Initiative. Launched in 2006, our vision is to stop bullying in Canada and to promote safe and healthy relationships for all Canadian children and youth. Led by scientific co-investigators, Dr. Debra Pepler of York University and Dr. Wendy Craig of Queen’s University, this national network is the first of its kind in Canada and provides an unprecedented opportunity for social innovation and social-cultural change. Myth: Reporting bullying will only make the problem worse. Fact: Given the power imbalance that exists between the child who bullies and the child who is victimized, it is incredibly difficult for children who are being victimized to remove themselves from this destructive relationship. They make numerous attempts to make the bullying stop on their own but these efforts are usually unsuccessful and may make the bullying worse. Adult intervention is required to correct the power imbalance. Children and parents may have to report the bullying to more than one person before the behaviour will stop. We do know that victimized children who told an adult about being bullied reported being less victimized the following year compared to children who did not report being bullied (Yuile, Pepler, & Craig, 2004). When no one talks about bullying, children who bully feel they can carry on without consequences. Secrecy empowers children who bully. Solution: Children need to be encouraged to report bullying and be given multiple strategies to make these reports. Adults must convey the message that they want to know about children’s experiences and that it is their job to make the bullying stop. Myth: Children who are victimized need to stand up and fight back. Fact: Encouraging children who are victimized to fight back may, in fact, makes the bullying interaction worse. We know that when children use aggressive strategies to manage bullying situations, they tend to experience prolonged and more severe bullying interactions as a result (Mahady Wilton, Craig, & Pepler, 2000). Solution: Children should be encouraged to be assertive, not aggressive, and to inform a trusted adult about what has happened to them. Myth: Bullying is a school problem. Fact: Bullying occurs wherever children gather to live, learn, or play. As such, the majority of bullying tends to occur in the classroom, on the school playground, and on the school bus where children are most often together. Although bullying tends to occur in school, we know that bullying is a community problem, not just a school problem. As the primary institution in children’s lives, schools can play a leadership role in addressing bullying problems.Solution: Adults are essential for children and youth’s healthy relationships. All adults are responsible for creating positive environments, promoting healthy relationships, and ending violence in the lives of children and youth. They are role models and must lead by example and refrain from using their power Are Canadians too nice to Bully? Facts and Myths about Bullying continued...
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41 21ST ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE aggressively. Adults must look for, listen, and respond to bullying. Adults can organize social activities in ways that protect and support children’s relationships and stop bullying. Myth: Bullying does not occur within the family or the family home. Fact: Unfortunately, bullying does occur within families. Bullying is defined as a relationship problem in which there is repeated aggression by a person with greater power directed at a person with lesser power. Repeated aggression within family relationships is most commonly called “abuse” or “family violence”, and within peer relationships it is called “bullying” or “harassment”. The family is the first context in which children learn about relationships, and lessons learned in the family provide the foundation for future relationships. Research shows that there is a developmental connection between experiencing or witnessing abuse in the family, and experiencing or perpetuating bullying and abuse in future relationships. If we look closely at the elements of the definition of bullying, we can clearly see the overlap and subtle distinction between bullying and abuse, with abuse being a form of bullying that implies a violation of adult responsibility. * “Occurs in the context of a relationship”. Abuse can also occur in romantic relationships between couples (spousal abuse, woman abuse), parents and children, (child abuse, elder abuse) and in other relationships in the extended family (grandparents, in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.). Bullying can occur within sibling relationships and between cousins. * “When one person in the relationship has greater power than the other”. In a romantic relationship, there is often an imbalance of power due to biological, cultural, psychological and economic factors. It is clear that parents have greater power due to the child’s immaturity, vulnerability, and dependence on the caregiver. In relationships between adult children and their elderly parents, the balance of power becomes reversed as the caregiving role is reversed. Between siblings or cousins, it is often, but not always, the older child who has greater power because of greater size and maturity. * “Repeated aggression”. Aggression can take many forms, but the common denominator is disrespect of another human being’s rights to physical and psychological safety and sense of dignity. Within families, there is a universal expectation that those with greater power assume responsibility to safeguard the well being of more vulnerable family members. When there is a repeated pattern of the violation of this responsibility, either by neglect or by acts that cause distress, we use the term “abuse”. When children and youth bully their peers, they violate the rights of the other; however they are not in the same position of responsibility for safeguarding the wellbeing of the other, due to their own immaturity. Thus, bullying can be seen as a signal that the child or youth needs support in learning about relationship values and skills. Solution: It is critically important that children experience secure and healthy relationships in the family. It is imperative that we teach our children that relationships in which there is a power imbalance are precisely the relationships in which the person with more power has the responsibility to safeguard the well being of the more vulnerable person. Through modeling respectful relationships and taking responsibility for the well being of those who are dependent and vulnerable, both within and beyond the family, adults can help to promote healthy relationships and prevent bullying and abuse. Are Canadians too nice to Bully? Facts and Myths about Bullying
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